What is a deadname?

Many of us are assigned a name at birth or early on by our parents or caregivers and don't really think much of it—we go through our lives introducing ourselves by that name, responding to it, and labelling our social media accounts with some variation of it.

But for transgender people—or those whose gender identity does not align with their sex at birth—their birth names don't always line up with how they see themselves, and they often choose another name that's more fitting. It seems simple enough, but in choosing a new name for themselves, transgender individuals run the risk of being "deadnamed"—an often hurtful and potentially dangerous occurrence for anyone who has chosen a different name.

So what does it mean to deadname someone?

Deadnaming someone is using their birth name, the name they no longer identify with. This can be an accident if you have not seen someone since they transitioned or someone you know has recently started transiting or going by a different name.

If you have not met someone since they transitioned it's always best to ask what name and pronouns they would like you to use for them. 

✅Here's an example✅

 "Hello, I haven't seen you since your transition. What name and pronouns would you like me to use for you?"

 ❌DO NOT SAY❌

 "Hi -DEADNAME- I didn't know you we're a boy now!" 

THIS IS EXTREMELY RUDE.

Why is it a bad thing to deadname someone?

For most transgender people - hearing their deadname can be extremely triggering and distressing There is a reason they no longer use that name - it's dead for a reason. It could also put some individuals at risk. 

What happens if I deadname someone?

 Apologise 

The first step to take when you have deadnamed someone is to acknowledge it. Doing that makes it clear that you understand you've made a mistake. Do not make a huge fuss out of this, just say "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to use your deadname."

Correct

Once you've acknowledged your error, immediately use the name they identify with. Eg. "I'm really sorry I just deadnamed you ___ (using the name they identify with)"

Move On

Lastly, but equally important as the previous steps, once you have apologised and corrected the situation, you should move on from it right away. There's no discussion or processing about the issue needed. Just continue with the conversation right where it left off. 

❌Lets look at some DONT'S  for these situations❌ 

James is transgender and recently changed his name.

Emily is his best friend and has just used James' deadname.

Emily "This is Sophie, she just came out as trans" .. "OH GOSH IM SO SORRY, I've just called you Sophie but you don't use that name anymore, I'm the worst person!! I really am sorry! and I used she instead of him UGH I can't seem to get this right."

✅Now let's look at what Emily should have done using our 3 steps✅ 

 

Emily "This is Sophie, sorry James, he recently came out as trans" 

Emily can talk to James privately if she wishes and say "I'm really sorry I deadnamed you earlier, are you okay? I hope it wasn't a trigger for you".